A Pirate's Daughter?
by Examun
Summary: If you were expecting Captain Jack Sparrow's long lost daughter to be rebellious, fiery, money hungry, and adventurous, then the author laughs at you. Read on to see another version of a favorite fanfiction storyline.
1. In Which A Strange Pair Meet

When Gwen closed her eyes and spread out her arms, she loved to dream that she could fly. She loved to pretend that she was angel and could fly in the air through clouds and the blue sky. She dreamt that she looked over the city that she lived in from the sky and waved to all the people looking up at her and she would say hello to everyone. At other times whenever Gwen was particularly sad or bored, she closed her eyes and daydreamed that she was, in fact, a princess. Her father was the king, and her mother was the queen, and she had been born one lovely summer night. And everyone loved her, but she was cruelly taken away and given to the orphanages by some evil fellow. Someday her parents would find her and take her away to live in a palace with all her brothers and sisters. She would wear pretty dresses and eat wonderful foods and go to wonderful balls where all the courtiers would see how pretty she was and agree that there was never such a prettier nicer her princess in the world.

Gwen _certainly_ didn't daydream about actually being the daughter of an infamous and colorful pirate known as Jack Sparrow. If she had, then maybe the day she found out that she in fact _was_ the daughter of an infamous and colorful pirate would have been more jubilant for her. But, since life never really turns out the way we plan it, (and this is a story about pirates) maybe we should not be so surprised. Well, Gwen was surprised anyway, but we haven't got to that part yet.

All Gwen knew about her parents was that her mother had died giving birth to her, and hadn't given any clues or hints about who Gwen's father was, much to Gwen's chagrin. Her mother had claimed that her husband had perished at sea, or at least he had if he knew what was good for him. That sadly was the last thing her mother had said before she died. So Gwen had been raised in an orphanage run by the Catholic Church, and despite many stereotypes or stories you have been told, she was not mistreated or abused in any way by the nuns or other orphans. In fact, despite her fantasies of being a member of the royal family (which many eight-year-olds have anyway) Gwen grew up perfectly happy. Maybe she would have liked to grown up with a proper Mummy and Daddy, but she had learned even at that young age that it was much better to count her blessings, and that she did. Gwen was happy; she knew her catechism and was even considering becoming a nun when she grew up. (She wouldn't though, but it might be observed that no matter how this story turns out, any children she might have are going to be raised strict Catholics, much to their grandfather's vexation.)

One day during Mass, Gwen listened while the priest spoke about counting our blessings (a common theme in Gwen's life up until now) and during prayer, for the first time in Gwen's young life she did not pray that her father, whoever he may be (though preferably a king) would come to take her away and live in a happy family. She thanked God for giving her a happy family within his church and heart and many other things grateful Catholic children pray about during Mass. The irony of this moment is that just as Gwen had decided that she in fact did not want a father was the very moment that a ship carrying none other than Jack Sparrow came into port less than a mile away from the church.

The story, as plot goes, began on a Monday night. Exactly 9:02 Monday night according to the very church Gwen prayed in yesterday morning. For, you see, it was at that moment when a slightly drunk Captain Jack Sparrow asked a bartender if he ever knew whatever happened to a certain woman who lived nearby whose name was Nelly Blythe. The Bartender, who did happen to know what had happened to Nelly Blythe, sadly told the customer that Nelly had died exactly eight years ago in childbirth. This bothered Jack Sparrow, since the last time he had been in the city of Portsmouth was exactly eight years and nine months ago. To make matters worse, his relationship with Nelly Blythe was one in which the fact that she had died in childbirth was pretty much his fault.

Now, Captain Jack Sparrow may be many things (in fact he is many things that cannot be told lest the ears, or eyes, of any listening children should turn red and they begin crying immediately), but one of the many things he is not is a bad father. Well, in truth, he's been a terrible father already, since his only child has been living in an orphanage in the past eight years and this is the only moment he's heard of it. But Jack Sparrow was not so terrible a mathematician that he could not figure out our back-story and know that he is in fact a father and feel an overwhelming desire to make up for it. (Though in fact the gin he has been drinking heavily of may be part of it.) He asked the bartender whatever happened to the baby Nelly Blythe died giving birth to, what happened to the child, would the bartender happen to have any available sisters that Jack could escort home and that could he please top off that last drink, thanks.

It was the next night that Sparrow knocked on the orphanage door, since he was in no condition to go an orphanage the night before and had been getting over the subsequent hangover during the day. The only person awake at that hour, besides except some of the older orphan girls who were up sneaking a wine that was not holy, was Sister Mary Francis.

Now, I know several of you, dear readers, have stereotypes in your heads about what nuns are like and how they act, so let me be the first to break them when this character opens the door. Sister Mary Francis did take an oath to devote herself to the worship of God and his wonderful Word forsaking any evils and temptations, but it doesn't mean that Sister Mary Francis was an idiot. Before she realized her calling, she lived as a serving girl in a pub known for its nightly brawls and its spiked ale, and before that she was the niece of a former privateer, and he loved to tell stories. Sister Mary Francis was no stranger to the likes of Jack Sparrow. This was not even the first time a pirate knocked on the orphanage door; in fact many sailors are away when their wives give birth and due to circumstances their children are raised in orphanages until the father returns. However, most return before the child has grown to the age where she knows her catechism better than some of the nuns. Sister Mary Francis certainly was not expecting this dark, dirty stranger with hair in dreadlocks (which were very uncommon in those days) to be the father of any of the girls in her care. Then again, Sister Mary Francis knew better than to expect anything.

"Ah, good evening sister" said stranger, "Allow me to introduce myself." He took off his hat, although from the sight of his hair, Sister Mary Francis really wished he hadn't. "I, am Captain Jack Sparrow."

"How may I help you…Mr. Sparrow?" asked the nun.

Sparrow quickly put aside any disappointment at not be recognized. "I've come to ask if Nelly Blythe's daughter is being raised here?"

"No my child, I do not know. Father Emil might know, but he won't be here until the next morning. Perhaps if you were to come then, he would know."

"Ah," said Sparrow, "That…will do. Thank you sister," and that, much to Sister Mary Francis' relief, was the end of it and he walked away (very oddly, she noticed). Sister Mary Francis closed and locked the door. She really did not expect that the strange-looking man would return. Then, using the intuition that only a nun who gone by the name "Jumping Jenny" in her youth could have, she walked up to the top floor where she would find several fifteen-year-old girls drinking bottles of wine stolen from the rectory.

The next day, much to Sister Mary Francis' surprise, the man who called himself Jack Sparrow did return, but at least this time Father Emil was nearby. When the pirate asked the same question he did the night before, she was very much surprised when a white-faced Father Emil said that yes, Nelly Blythe's daughter _did _live here. However, he informed Sparrow that he could not see her. Sparrow pleaded with the priest, explaining that he was the girl's father and had not known about her existence until two nights prior. He would be leaving on his ship the next morning and only asked to be able to see her.

Father Emil and Sister Mary Francis went to the corner of the room and discussed whether or they should let this stranger (who happened to smell quite a bit like gin) speak to Gwen. Finally, Father Emil decided that if they let him see her then maybe he'd just go away, and Sister Mary Francis reluctantly went and got the girl.

Father Emil watched Jack Sparrow as he sauntered around Father Emil's office. Father Emil watched carefully, making sure that this stranger wasn't stealing any relics from the shelves. (He was, but Father's Emil's eye was much slower than Sparrow's hand.) Finally, Sister Mary Francis returned with the young and confused girl.

If you expected Jack Sparrow to hold out his arms and yell "Hello daughter, I'm your long lost father here to take you on pirating adventures!" then, in this case, you'd be wrong. It was in fact, the first time in Jack Sparrow's life when he could remember being happy and sad at the same moment. His daughter, you see, looked strikingly like Sparrow's late mother, something she did not know. He did know, however, and this struck him very hard and for the first time, he knew for sure that Gwen was his direct descendent by one generation.

The first time Gwen saw Sparrow on the other hand, was more of a feeling of distaste and disgust. She was quite shocked at the appearance of this stranger. He had dark olive skin with a wide sash covering his forehead. His hair was in dirty dreadlocks and his clothes…were…well, Gwen wasn't quite sure how to describe them. The man was certainly drunk in her opinion (She didn't yet know that Jack Sparrow was in fact not drunk, he just always acted like it). He was dressed like a sailor and was wearing a muddied sailor's coat but nothing about him seemed to fit any standard she was used to seeing. It was a port city and Gwen knew how sailors dressed, but he was simply…weird.

Sparrow, seemingly to remember his reason to be here and said finally, "Hello."

A simple statement, but meaningful enough.

If you expected Gwen to look at the stranger and yell "Yes Daddy, I am your daughter and cannot wait to go with you on your many pirating adventures!" you would sadly be wrong. If you had expected Gwen to simply say "hello" back, you would be still be wrong. However if you had expected Gwen to grab rosary our of her pocket and begin praying "Our Father," then for once, you'd be right.

Sparrow must have realized that this was not good sign for then he explained, "My name…is Captain Jack Sparrow," he smiled at the girl, "You've heard of me?"

"No." the girl said, staring at the strange man.

"What?" Sparrow said in a raised voice. "Don't they teach you anything as school?" He paused, "They are teaching you, right?"

Gwen merely went back to reciting Hail Mary.

The suspense was just too much for Father Emil and Sister Mary Francis, for then she ushered Gwen out of the room, and Father Emil thanked Sparrow for coming. Sparrow, however delved into this pocket and took out a small silver medallion and threw it towards the girl who was now leaving at the door. Instinctively, she picked it up before Sister Mary Francis took her back to the gardens. Later she would look at it and see that it was a medal with a picture of a woman with a sword in one hand and shield in another.

Sparrow left the orphanage, saddened and depressed at the fact his daughter gave little interest in him. Five minutes later, an angry mob of guards would chase him through the streets of Portsmouth and he would manage a marvelous and terrific escape. But since that is not part of our story, we will simply leave it out.

At that, Gwen was quite happy that the strange man had left. She knew, or at least as far as she knew, that hers was to be a simple and Christian life, Gwen would never, ever meet that man again and would never in her life set eyes on him again.

At least for another six years, anyway.

_To Be Continued..._


	2. In Which We Find A Use For Old Tomatoes

"_AHA!" yelled the author's friend, who was lying on her bed with an old comic book in his hands. He was watching her as she sat at her computer looking at her reviews for her newest and only _Pirates of the Caribbean_ fanfiction story. "I knew it!" he yelled. "I knew that if you wrote something about Jack Sparrow having a long lost daughter, dozens of Johnny Depp fangirls would write you reviews! Never fails!" he laughed, failing to understand that five reviews, while very encouraging, were hardly 'dozens.'_

_The author merely rolled her eyes and began typing the next chapter._

Before we go any farther into the story, we should probably let you know more about the only character in this story who cannot represent herself. Nelly Blythe had been with only three men in her life. The first was a baker, and that was for only one night and she forgot his name shortly after. The second was with her landlord, and his wife found out about it and hit him over his head with a frying pan, inadvertently killing him. The wife was nearly hanged, but she escaped to Bermuda with the help of a few friends, and no one ever learned of Nelly's involvement. The third, as you know, was Captain Jack Sparrow while his ship was in port fourteen years ago. Nelly was quite smitten with him and he with her. She did spend the night with him, but by the time she learned that she was expecting Jack's child, he had already left for sea and was off to some adventure involving cursed skeleton pirates and a gold medallion or something of that sort. I believe you know that story already. When it came time for her to give birth, she sought the help of a Catholic poorhouse. When the doctor who was to deliver her child asked her who was the father, Nelly knew that she was in a house of God and decided it might be better to lie and say that she was in fact _married _to the father, and that he had died. It was the last sin poor Nelly Blythe ever committed, and the Lord understood and quickly forgave her for it. I tell you this story because we will never have chance to meet poor Nelly and she does have a story to be told.

But now I'm done with all that, and let's get back to the story at hand.

Six years had passed since Captain Jack Sparrow was last in Portsmouth, and very little had changed. One of the few things that actually had changed was the fact that Gwen had grown from a young girl to a very young woman. If we can spare a moment to describe her physically, Gwen happened to be a pretty young woman. She had long brown hair which she was always careful to wear in a bun least she become vain. Her dresses were always plain, and in short; she was everything a Nun could hope a child to be. We are now done sparing a moment to describe what she looks like, so you just make up the rest yourself.

She was a very sensible girl, our Gwen, and she was responsible for helping look after the younger orphans. As a result, she knew how to appear fearsome and to inspire terror, something very useful when minding after disobedient children. Gwen had long given up any fantasies of being a princess, or any member of the peerage, for that matter. She was responsible, smart, mindful, and in short, everything opposite of her father.

One day, she was out in the market with her friend Susan, who was also raised in the orphanage. They weren't really out to buy anything, just to look at some of the goods being sold. Half the things being sold were items that Gwen would raised her nose and say 'frivolous!' or 'sinful!' and turn away, disgusted at the needless wares that man did not need to survive. Susan had a sneaking suspicion that Gwen enjoyed doing that.

Gwen was watching in distaste at some of the gold jewelry being pawned when Susan grabbed her arm and said "Look, there's a hanging over at the gallows! If we hurry we can get a good spot!"

Gwen, who was never able to resist a chance to see sinners be punished, ran along with her friend where a crowd was gathering at the gallows near the market. They stood there while the executioner, a tall muscular man with a black hood covering his face, was preparing the scaffold for the condemned.

"Rotten Tomatoes!" shouted a tall boy coming through the crowd. He was holding a tray filled with rotten tomatoes strapped to his shoulders and was holding up a particularly putrid one in his hand. "Rotten Tomatoes to throw at the evil criminals! Halfpence a piece!"

"That's horrible," said Gwen.

"We'll take four!" yelled Susan, and she reached in her pocket for some coins. The boy walked over and they exchanged goods: Tuppence for four stinking tomatoes.

"Oh look Gwen! They're bringing them out!" said Susan and sure enough five condemned men were brought out and led to the spots. The executioner began tying the rope around their neck, one by one.

"Wait a moment," said Gwen, looking at the men. "I know that one!" She pointed at the man in the middle, "That's Captain Jack Sparrow, I know him!"

"You know Captain Jack Sparrow!" exclaimed the boy, "You know the ferocious pirate who vanished from seven agents of the East India Company, sacked Nassau Port without firing a shot, who stole the Black Pearl from the hands of a Captain so evil that Hell itself spit him back out, who escaped from the gallows of Port Royale and fought hundreds of guards, who fought in the battle of Tortuga?"

"Well," said Gwen, "Not as well as I thought I did."

Meanwhile, Susan had been taking careful aim, and then threw a rotten tomato straight into the face of one of the men waiting to be hanged. "Dead on!" she shouted with glee.

"That's nothing!" yelled another man next to them. "I can do better! Come here, boy, I'll pay money for a couple really moldy ones!"

Soon a competition was out over who could throw the rotten tomatoes with the best aim. After several rounds, Susan was winning three to one. It had gotten to the point where the officials in charge of the ceremony had postponed the actual hangings for the moment and were making bets themselves. Finally, enough was enough and the executioner came out on the platform and said that there was to be absolutely no more throwing of to-

SPLAT! A boy down in front had managed to get the executioner in the face, to the cheers of the crowd. Even the men with ropes around their necks laughed aloud.

The official, however, realized that they did have to get on with the event so he began to read off the offenses.

"Horace Spittlesworth, Edward Pencarrow, Jack Sparrow-

"That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow" yelled the man in the middle.

"Martin Fens, Patrick Cornwell, You have been charged and found guilty of the crimes which will be read overall: Looting, Smuggling, Piracy, Impersonating a Naval officer, impersonating a member of the clergy…"

"You might as well keep throwing," said the tall boy (whose name happened to be Bob) "this is going to take a long time."

"Impersonating a member of the Royal Family…" continued the barrister.

While some members of the crowd did keep throwing rotten vegetables, Susan questioned Bob. "Do you go to these often?"

"Wha? Oh yes, great business for a rotten tomato seller, hangings. That 'long with people in the stocks, at unpopular city officials and durin' cock fights."

"It must be interesting work," remarked Susan.

"Oh yeah, makes me Mum right proud," smiled Bob, "Make good money and the shows are right interesting. One time they were hanging this 'eavy fella, and when they pulled the lever they accidentally decap'tated him."

"That's disgusting," said Gwen, "What happened next?"

Bob shrugged, "I heard the guards played a round of football with his head, but I was there and they looked too sick to do that. Oye," he turned and asked Gwen, "How do you know Jack Sparrow?"

"I met him once when I was eight," she said, "I think he might have known one of my parents." She pulled out from under her clothing the silver medallion which for some reason unknown to her she liked to wear. "He gave me this."

"Oh yeah…" said Susan, "I think it's supposed to be-"

"Oye!" said Bob, "they're startin'" Gwen hid the necklace under her shirt.

"…Hanged by the neck until you are dead!" said the barrister, and the hangman pulled the wooden lever.

No one of Portsmouth saw what happened coming. Not even young Bob who had seen more hangings in a year than some people do in their lifetime, and what's more had made quite a profit selling rotten tomatoes at them.

The man who was standing next to Sparrow murmured, "Can't they just hang us by the neck until we are sick?"

Sparrow smiled, and the hangman pulled the wooden lever. At that moment, Sparrow jumped into the air and swung out his supposed-to-be-tied arms. He dropped down and the hang rope SNAPPED, as he and his mates had designed it. As you may or may not have noticed, this hanging was not entirely in the gallowmen's favor. Before he could fall down, he grabbed the platform and swung up and shouted, "NOW!"

Catching the cue, one of the guards took out his sword and chopped a certain rope (this guard was actually not a guard at all but a very nice pirate whose name happened to be Paully), and all the condemned men who were now breathing their last dropped to the ground and to their surprise, continued breathing. The hangman, whose eyes were filled too much with rotten tomato juice to see anything besides the lever, was helpless. The guards, at least those who were in fact _not_ pirates and whose names were _not_ Paully, grabbed their bayonets and headed up to stop Sparrow. However, Paully threw Sparrow a sword in the nick of time, and he managed to fight the guards.

The crowd meanwhile had begun to cheer. It was unclear whether or not they were cheering the guards or Sparrow, but since they were getting good entertainment, it didn't seem to matter.

Suddenly from the distance there was a loud booming sound, to which Sparrow ducked. A cannonball flew past the gallows and into a building behind it, creating a loud crash. It was then the crowd stopped cheering, seemingly in surprise. Another loud boom and an explosion on a rooftop next to the gallows confirmed any suspicions.

"Oh my God," said Susan, "they're sacking the port."

It was then the general running and confusion of the crowd began. People began running away from the gallows, where it seemed the cannon fire was concentrated. Susan, Gwen and Bob followed the crowd amid the explosions. "Why are they doing this? In broad daylight?" yelled Gwen.

"That's Sparrow's ship, that is!" yelled Bob, who despite the panic was still clutching his tray of rotten tomatoes. "They must've heard he was going to be hanged and fired on the gallows!"

"Oh that's a bloody brilliant idea!" yelled Susan angrily, "Now we're all going to d-"

"This way!" yelled Bob and he grabbed Susan and Gwen and pulled them into an alleyway. He kept running, and they followed him to a narrow street that led to the governor's mansion. "Less crowds," he explained. "This is the quickest way to garrison."

"Why on earth would we want to go to the garrison?" demanded Gwen.

"'Cause if you were a pirate, a garrison filled with soldiers would the last place you'd go, wouldn't you?" said Bob. Gwen was sure that she could argue with his reasoning if she had the chance. Fortunately for Bob, Gwen's attention turned to the street she, Susan and Bob were standing on. "Where is everyone?" she asked. The street was empty.

"Probably going to see what the ruckus is all about," said Bob, "or possibly running away from it. This way to the garrison." said Bob. He had his priorities.

There was a loud gunshot from nearby, and it sounded nothing like cannon fire, and what's more, it came from the opposite direction of the docks. "It came from there!" said Susan, pointing up the road towards the governor's mansion. "Let's go!"

Now, Susan was the kind of character that whenever she sensed trouble, her automatic reaction was to follow it. She was also the kind of character that whenever she ordered "Let's go!" people around her (in this case Gwen and Bob) were obliged to follow. You often find these sorts in mystery books involving teenagers solving crimes or war stories, but sometimes you find this in unlikely places, such as fanfiction.

Well, Gwen and Bob followed Susan up to Governor Pennington's mansion. The gate was open, and so were the doors to the main foyer. They did not go in, however. Instead, Susan led them around the house and they hid behind bushes and watched what was happening.

Since all the soldiers were busy around the town square and the garrison, no one noticed that pirates had broken into the mansion, tied up all but two of the servants and began looting the house in an orderly fashion. No one noticed of course, except our young trio of heroes.

"I can't believe this! In broad daylight!" whispered Gwen. "We have to get some guards!"

"No," said Susan, "by the time we get to them and back, these knaves will be long gone! But…how do we stop them then?" Susan, like many hero-types was concerned with stopping the evil pirates.

"We could throw some tomatoes at them," offered Bob, and he held one up from his tray.

Susan turned and saw that Bob was still after all this was holding his tray of rotting tomatoes. She had quite forgotten all about it. "You still have that thing?

"Yeah, a man's got to make his living off of it."

"Well, we could throw them at the pirates," said Susan.

"Susan, that's a ridiculous idea!" said an exasperated Gwen, "What are we to do? Throw them in the eyes of the pirates and hope it blinds them?"

Bob interceded. "It worked for the executioner."

"My God, I can't believe this. Pirates are sacking the governor's mansion and your best approach is to throw rotten tomatoes at them? We need to find some guards!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you luv," came a voice behind them. They slowly turned and saw that behind them was standing none other than a man who less than an hour ago they were waiting to see hanged. None other than Captain Jack Sparrow. The three remained frozen.

"Oh," said Gwen.

"We should run," suggested Bob.

"Good idea," commended Susan.

The three burst out running in completely different directions, but not before Bob threw his tray at Sparrow, leaving him with a face drenched in rotten tomato juice. The pirates who had been busy take things from the house had stopped to watch this fiasco.

Sparrow wiped the juice from his eyes and looked at his men. "Well!" he said waving his arms in the air, "Feel free to catch them!"

Four of the men, seemingly to remember their duty, began running after the three. The rest just laughed and got back to taking anything valuable they could find from the house. Sparrow took off his bandana and wiped off the juice from his face. He knew he would smell like rotting tomatoes for days.

Sparrow had not recognized that one of the girls he had sent some of his men after was Gwen. He was much too interested in a certain piece of plunder. He walked over to the cart where the pirates were placing the loot. He looked through it and searched for something. He stepped back and retied his bandana. Sparrow's mind began to race. It wasn't here. The very item he had come all this way for was not there.

This was not good. This was not good at all.


	3. In Which Someone Is Captured By Pirates

**Before I forget: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, Teary Deary, or any characters besides Gwen, Susan and Bob and some later original characters.**

_The author's friend read the story she had just posted. "Horace Spittlesworth? Edward Pencarrow? Who came up with those?"_

"_My mother," said the author, "I was having trouble with names for the other condemned men and she came up with those. She really wanted one of them to be named Edward Scissorhands, I practically had to shriek at her to not put it in."_

"_Edward Scissorhands?" the author's friend asked, puzzled, "a bit blatant, don't you think?" The author only shrugged._

"_Did you get a dozen reviews yet?" he asked._

"_No."_

"_I guess the fangirls aren't as fruitful as they used to be."_

"_Or that that fangirls don't appreciate being made fun of, especially by author's side notes" she suggested._

"_Or that they're all Catholic."_

"_Do shut up." The author sighed and continued typing._

* * *

Girls, more so in the eighteenth century than today, are taught that it is improper for them to run. While their brothers run and play balls, girls are socialized to sit in the house and sew pretty things. Boys are soldiers, girls are mothers. Being good at running is not appreciated in day to day life. 

This is very detrimental to girls, especially at times when their lives depend on running very fast. While most girls can find it within themselves to run exceedingly fast in times of peril, the fact they were never allowed the practice does hurt their chances.

Gwen, unfortunately, learned this the hard way. While she was very good at running very quickly in short distances to stop a younger child from doing something daft, she was not so talented at running long distances with two pirates after her. What's worse was that she, in her fear, made the mistake to run into the jungle instead of the town. While Susan and Bob would make it to safety by running into the town and later into the crowds, Gwen would not be so fortunate.

No matter how fast Gwen ran or how fiercely she tried to escape, alas it was to no avail. If it had been, this story might not have been so interesting to read. You would have gone on to read how Gwen would have married a very polite but dull man named Terrance and never had children, or had any adventures, or appreciate any of the interesting people she would have met. Perhaps it is best that she ended up tripping on a large rock and twisted her ankle (as so many helpless girls in stories about heroic men do), since otherwise this story would not have been exciting or appealing at all.

* * *

There is a small wooden chest in the Governor's mansion which, to few people's knowledge, is of great importance. If you were just to glance at it, it would not look so important or remarkable at all. However, if you were to pick this chest up and examine it, you would realize that it is in fact, very oddly designed. It's very small for a chest, about the size of the proverbial breadbox. Its lock had not one, but seven keyholes. And engraved into the wood was a strange writing, not in any of the languages the average person would know. It was in fact a language that for the most part has been dead for centuries. 

But what is really remarkable about the chest is the object locked inside it. It is a spectacular and important item, which in the right hands can lead to great happiness. It is such a wonderful object that you must remind me to tell you what it is later.

The Governor, a very dreary man named Pennington, received this chest as a wedding present while he was living in India. He never really cared for it, and set it aside. It is almost a surprise he even kept it when he moved to Portsmouth to take the role of Governor of the small Caribbean island of St. James. It sat in one of the spare bedrooms of the mansion, and since he did not have the keys to it and no one bothered to try to crack it open, it sat lonely and for the most part ignored.

That was until pirates began looting the mansion. They took everything that looked of value, including the small chest. When it was dumped on the cart, Jack Sparrow grabbed it and said, "Ah!" You see, he had just found the very important thing he was looking for. The other men must have noticed his response, because they stopped what they were doing and started watching Sparrow. He smiled and held it up high. The men, who knew enough to understand that this was thing they had come all this way for, began to cheer.

Then, something unfortunate happened. Gwen showed up.

Or more appropriately, she was dragged there, kicking and fighting, by the four pirates who had gone after the three children. She would have been screaming as, if one of the pirates, tired of her shrieking, had not taken a bandana and gagged her mouth.

"We only caught one of them," said one of the men. He was looking very cross. "The other two slipped into the crowds."

"Oom!" yelled Gwen. What she was really saying was "YOU!" but the gag around her mouth was preventing proper annunciation.

"Pardon?" asked Sparrow. One of the men untied her gag.

"You!" screamed Gwen, "You loathsome, disgusting, hell-bent despicable knave! You should be hanging from the gallows you abhorrent dog! You-"

We could go on about what Gwen called Sparrow, but there's only so much she can say under a PG rating before she begins to repeat herself.

Sparrow however, realized for the first time since he had seen this young woman who she was. Before, he hadn't really noticed her, only that her and her friends were some place they were not supposed to be. But now, the thought crossing Sparrow's mind that moment was a strident _Why HER?_

"What do you want us to do with her Cap'n?" asked one of the men holding her back from going at Sparrow.

If this had been any other girl, Sparrow would have just let her go. But this was Gwen, his only daughter! Gwen, who…He had this strange rather nauseating feeling. This couldn't be, oh no, paternal attachment?! Egads!

"Oh," said Sparrow, "just tie her up and throw her in the cart. And put the gag on again."

While the two men were doing his orders, Sparrow yelled to the rest of the men to hurry up; they were leaving. For Sparrow knew that the two other children who had escaped had to have called the alarm and there were soldiers almost certainly on their way here.

And just as Gwen was screaming another horrible (but swearword free) oath though a bandana, she found herself sitting in a cart filled with gold statues, jewelry, statues, and anything else that was of any value at all. She was very upset. She had had a very bad day. And what's worse, by the end of the day Gwen would just end up wishing she hadn't gotten out of bed that morning.

The pirates, however, were not traveling down the road towards the port, but in quite the opposite direction. They were journeying through the island jungle. This was all part of Sparrow's spectacular plan, of which, no one but Sparrow really understood. Gwen tried to scream, but the cloth in her mouth muffled any attempt at cries of help. And worse, the only people who were around were pirates and two former servants of the governor, who had been in on the whole thing all along.

What no one, not Jack Sparrow, not the pirates, not even Gwen knew, was that they being watched from the jungle.

* * *

Finally, after thirty minutes of traveling through jungle, the men arrived on a rocky shore of the island. The only thing waiting for them was not the majestic Black Pearl but a small inconspicuous boat. It could have passed as a large fishing boat to the average person, and that was the intention.

Some of the pirates went into the jungle and dragged out ten rowboats and proceeded to load the loot on to them. Gwen noticed that the Captain was holding on to just one item, a small chest which I bothered to describe earlier.

Just about this time, solders were reaching the governor's mansion to find the servants tied up and many precious items stolen. Bob was there also, mostly to find his precious tomato tray and salvage any rotten tomatoes left on the ground.

Then men began to row the treasure laden boats to the fishing ship. Two pirates, one particularly weathered man with a rope around his neck connected to a small leather container filled with what she thought was gin, and the other a young man in a British officer's red uniform, (this would be Pauley) lifted Gwen out of the cart and into one of the boats. "MMMPH!" she yelled. What she meant was "You'll all be hanged!" but no one really bothered to listen. One of the men got in the boat while his companion passed loot to him. Gwen looked around hysterically, trying to see anyone who could help her. She still could hear cannon fire in the distance.

Suddenly, a loud sound from the other side of the island boomed. It sounded as if all the ship's cannons had gone off at once and then complete silence. At this signal, the men stopped, then began hurrying their duty at a break-neck speed. When all the loot the men could carry was on the boats, they all rowed towards the fishing ship.

When all the men, the spoils, and Gwen were aboard the fishing boat, the current action seemed to be waiting.

"There!" shouted Sparrow, and in the distance there was a ship approaching all along the coast. As it came upon them, Gwen felt the need to step back to be able to see it all, even though if she had she would have fallen overboard.

The ship was huge, larger than any other than Gwen had seen in port. It was colored almost black with billowing white sails and a head shaped as a woman holding a bird into the air. On the side she read the carved words _The Black Pearl_.

Gwen was very shocked. You, obviously, are not.

The two ships quickly connected and the men on both ships hurried to get the treasures onto the Pearl. Gwen had the feeling that they knew that the Royal Navy was coming after them soon, and she'd be rescued. Right?

"Hurry you scabberous dogs before you'll all hanged from the gibbet!" yelled Sparrow. Before she could say a Hail Mary, Gwen found herself on the giant pirate ship and the men cutting the ropes, sending the fishing boat adrift and empty into the sea.

By the time someone bothered to untie the bandana in her mouth, the Black Pearl was sailing away from the island of St. James before someone figured out what had been the whole plot all along.

This had easily been the worst day of Gwen's life. She had been to a botched hanging, her town had been attacked, she had been kidnapped by pirates, and she was now sailing away from the only home she had ever known with men she thought would as soon slit her throat as look at her. It was going to get a lot worse.

In about an hour she would learn Jack Sparrow was her father.

Oh dear.

* * *

As the Pearl sailed away, Susan stepped out of the jungle. While Bob had gone out to find some soldiers and tell them that there were pirates over at the governor's mansion, Susan had run back and followed the pirates, hiding in the wilderness. She had expected to find some way to save Gwen when the pirates weren't looking, but to her frustration, the chance never came. She was left standing on the rocks, watching the pirate ship sail away with Gwen on board. Poor Susan had failed, and Gwen was now in the hands of evil, murdering, loathsome pirates (or so she thought). Susan sat down and wept into her hands. 

And she vowed to God that she would rescue her friend.

_**

* * *

**_

_**The author would like to take some time to thank all the marvelous reviewers who took the time out of their very busy schedules to post a note. The author was brought to tears several times and once fainted of joy. (Her head has recovered quite well from the fall, thank you) She wishes you all very Merry Holidays, and hopes that St. Nicholas (or the gift giving figure of your choice) brings you all lots of lovely things. **_

_**The author also feels the need to respond to some of her very kind reviewers:**_

_**To a Ms. JaffaFairy: Thank you. This is not set in England, but a small island in the Caribbean, not unlike Port Royal. Yes, there is a Portsmouth in England; I lived not far from it for four years. However, even though there is still a prominent number of Catholics living in Cornwall, there would have been very, very few Catholic poorhouses during this time of English history. Catholics suffered subtle discrimination around that era and practiced their faith quietly. Such Catholic poorhouses would've been rare. **_

_**And to Jinxeh: I never touched any of the Lemony Snicket books until shortly completing chapter two. A friend kindly leant me the first just a few days ago. I now wonder why I've never read these books before. In fact, you may notice that this chapter and following are probably more of the same kind of narrative than the first two. I also hope your friends don't get into any more police precincts. (P.S. Mr. Snicket's real name is Daniel and he is from California.)**_


	4. In Which The Truth Is Strangely Revealed

"_White sails?" yelled the author after reading one of the reviews. "What does she mean, 'white sails.' They were white at the end of the movie! Here, I'll show you!" She got up and put the Pirates DVD in the computer and began skipping through chapters. _

_The author's friend bothered to look up from his comic book and walked over to the computer screen._

"_Here!" she set it on normal play as Jack Sparrow swam towards the Pearl at the end. "Right there, you can clearly see that the sails are w…o crap."_

"_HA HA!" yelled the author's friend. "You committed an inconsistency! Little Ms. 'people in the pirate era didn't have middle names and the concertina_ _wasn't invented for another hundred years' just got proved wrong! Ha Ha!"_

_The author promptly slapped him._

* * *

On board the Black Pearl (Which had BLACK sails, sorry), once the men were relatively sure they weren't being followed by the Royal Navy, the procession started. All the men watched as Sparrow stood on the stern of the ship in front of the wheel. He had in his hands the small chest taken from the Governor's mansion. In this chest lay the answer to the secrets of the world, a path to riches beyond dreams and anything anyone would ever want. This was the chest of Opulentiala, one of the greatest treasures of the world and its content would lead its user to the greatest prize in history. 

"Well!" yelled Anamaria from the bow. "Open it!"

"I can't," said Sparrow, "I'm afraid I don't have the keys."

"Pick the lock," yelled Anmaria.

"I tried that."

"You could always blast it open with a pistol sir," suggested Gibbs.

"Er, yes, I tried that ten minutes ago. It didn't leave a dent, I'm afraid."

"Well, how do you open the thing?" someone asked.

"Drop it from the foremast!" yelled a pirate.

"Hit it with a hammer!" yelled another.

"Aim a cannon at it!" yelled Anamaria.

"And to what point?" said Sparrow. "A cannon would just likely destroy the chest and its contents."

"But it would be open."

It was just then Gwen regained her senses, after having to listen to this whole spectacle. She yanked her arm away from Paully, who seemed to have forgotten what he was supposed to be doing.

"Odious Dog!" she yelled and raced up the stairs, past the puzzled men. They had quite forgotten about her. She faced Sparrow. "The Navy is coming! They'll come after you all and hang you!" she pointed at Sparrow.

"Not this again," Sparrow groaned, "I don't suppose you could find another subject to shout about, could you love?"

She responded to this by kicking him in the leg. "Ow," he murmured. Fortunately for him Gwen was as poor at kicking hard as she was at running fast.

"You'll burn in Hell for your crimes! You'll rue the day you came to St. James!"

"Listen luv, all we wanted was the Chest, and so what if we got a few extra trinkets, we'll never bother poor Portsmouth again. Happy?"

"You fired cannon at the city!"

"Aimed at the gallows and the garrison; no one who couldn't run was hurt."

"And all the people you killed! You murdering-"

"Killed people?" The Captain turned around and faced the crew, "Does anyone here remember killing anyone in Portsmouth?"

The crew was soundless, except for the midget, "I…killed a cat."

There was an uncomfortable silence as this news. The man continued: "It might have been dead already!"

"See!" Sparrow told Gwen, "there you have it, no one hurt except a dead cat. So it's all alright then!"

"No, it is not alright!" screamed Gwen. "Why? Why did you take me? I was no threat to you. Susan and the tomato boy have already alerted the soldiers; the Royal Navy knows about what you've done! Why did you take me along!"

Sparrow stopped his ramblings for a moment. How exactly do you tell a fourteen-year-old Catholic Schoolgirl who wants to see you hanged that you're her pirating father?

"'Cause I'm your Dad."

Apparently like that.

* * *

There are several worse ways Sparrow could have told Gwen he was her father. Four of them would not be allowed in a PG rating. Two ways could cause a lawsuit. And one would have had thousands of fangirls banded together in a lynch mob and tracked the author down to her house Minnesota and hanged her from the nearest tree. (Actually, the nearest tree is a pine, but there are several other trees in the backyard that are very hangable.) 

"My-my father died before I was born," said Gwen, not willing to believe at all that this strangely clad, dirty, probably drunk (but not really, he always just acted that way) man was her father. She remembered what Sister Mary Vera had told her about the night she was born. This was impossible…or at least extremely unwelcome.

"Is that what Nelly said?" asked Sparrow, curious.

"Well, her exact words were 'He's died at sea, at least if he knew what was good for him', but I-sorry, could you repeat the statement?"

"No. It's bad enough as it is."

Now, in her years growing up, Gwen contemplated the idea that her mother may have been lying about her father being dead, or if she had been married to him at all, but this was not the result she had thought up. She never considered that the strange man who gave her the pendant could have been her father. We knew, of course, because I told you, and because this is a 'Long-lost-daughter-of-Jack-Sparrow' story. The trouble is getting her to believe it.

"You're lying! I want to go home!"

"I-" Jack turned his head, and saw that all the crew were staring at them, watching this performance diligently. These were the days before soap operas, but this was good enough.

"Back to work men!" he yelled at the crew. There was some grumbling, but they dispersed. They did not in fact return to work, but set about counting the loot they had stolen from the mansion, which was just as useful to Sparrow anyway.

"I am not lying, sorry luv. And I can't get you off the ship because it's the middle of the ocean," he waved his arms wildly, something we are used to, but was quite disturbing to Gwen. "So just sit down and wait, you're going to be here a while." He walked off, taking the chest with him to try and open it in the safety of his quarters.

Gwen was left standing there, on a pirate ship sailing God-Knows-Where.

"Oye," said a bald dwarf pirate (whose name happened to be Marty). Gwen turned and looked (down) at him. "Can you cook?" he asked.

"A little," Gwen replied.

"C'mon. I'll take you to the galley then. Make you of some use," he said, and he led the way down into the ship.

Gwen sighed, pursed her lips in a way that would make a Dursley proud, and then followed the small pirate down into the ship's galley. She was a prisoner, but she wasn't an idler.


	5. In Which The Ship's Cooking Improves

"_Oh Look," said the author's friend, who was holding the author's new puppy (and excuse for the late updates) in his arms, "You now have dozens of reviews."_

"_Yes," said the author, "but three reviews are from the same person, who is convinced I am either a relative of Lemony Snicket or Lemony Snicket himself."_

"_How many SoUE books have you read, anyway?"_

"_Oh..." said the author, counting on her fingers, "about one. After the second chapter."_

_While the author was repeating this information, her Maltese was sitting alone on the floor, glaring evilly at the puppy who had come into her home, stolen her best bed, liked to bite onto her tags and not let go, and taken all the attention from its proper place: her. His nerve! Why, _She_ had never caused the updates to come late. She sat there, plotting her revenge._

* * *

Captain Jack Sparrow probably would have been concerned if he had taken any time to learn that Gwen had become the ship's cook. The fact is he never took any time to notice her, or pay any attention to her at all. He spent most of his time either at the helm, drinking, or in his quarters trying to open the chest. The plates of food sent to his cabin were eaten, not knowing that it had been made by a girl who despised him and some of its agreements were some foul things that said girl slipped in whenever she found the chance. (Nothing so foul as to be used in a toilet joke, but nothing you'd like to eat, let me tell you.) Sparrow, who had digested some much fouler things in his time, didn't notice. 

It took Gwen a while to grow accustomed to living at sea. She spent the first few days never a foot away from a bucket, in case the seasickness overcame her. The ship, she was quick to notice (and above all, complain about) was filthy. This was sort of true. Compared to, oh say, a middle class house or even ship of the Royal Navy, the ship was very filthy, but considering it was a pirate ship inhabited by drunken pirates, its conditions wasn't that horrible. It's just as well we can't tell Gwen this, since even if we could, she wouldn't listen, but would be quite content to live in this misery and therefore martyrdom.

I do not know if you have yet realized this, dear readers, but our Gwen is not a particularly pleasant person. She happens to be stubborn, close minded, more than a tad self righteous and although polite under normal circumstances, she is not that nice a person. One of her few redeeming qualities, however, is that she is a very hard worker, something the crew of the Black Pearl could appreciate, sooner or later.

Gwen went to work in the galley and no one even had to tell her to work hard, or take mind of her. Indeed, the crew were thankful that the person working in the galley had some knowledge how to cook, compared to her predecessor, who thought the green stuff on the bread just added flavor. The predecessor was just glad not to have to work in the galley and was surprised to learn what actual food tasted like. The crew quickly grew used to her murmurings of how they were all damned for eternity and what the Lord did to sinners such as pirates; they were quite used to that already.

If Gwen had been anyone but the pirate's daughter, this would be a very darker and not-so-PG rated story. But the men knew that while Sparrow never saw the girl, it was still not such a wise idea to try anything improper with Gwen. And if they had, her ability to look as fearsome as a chimera would not have gone unnoticed. Three days into Gwen's journey Quartetto had gone into the galley for a midnight snack and was run out in a panic by Gwen brandishing a wooden spoon as if it was a rapier. (A rapier is a type of sword, in case you did not know.)

As cook, Gwen had her work cut out for her. Her little experience cooking came from helping out in the orphanage kitchen and occasionally making meals for the children she minded. Now here she was the cook of nearly two dozen men (and one woman) on a pirate ship only the Lord knew where. The galley itself wasn't exactly the easiest place to work in either. She had to be very cautious around the stove, which was hard to stoke without getting sparks everywhere possible sending the ship on fire. (Although Gwen herself did not mind this idea so much if not for the Bible commanding her 'Thou Shall Not Kill.')

As for the revelation that she was a pirate's daughter, Gwen wasn't so sure she could believe it at all. Imagine yourself in this situation, dear readers! What if after years of living a quiet solitary life in an orphanage, you found yourself the daughter of a famed and crazed pirate and was forced to join his pirating adventures?

(Sigh) _And_ you had no idea who Johnny Depp was. Or had never seen the movie. Or been to Disney World.

You'd still be thrilled, wouldn't you?

You girls are weird.

* * *

Strange as it was, the crew grew oddly fond of Gwen. Her constant chastisements, her evil stares and her promises that they would burn in Hell for their sins, reminded most of the men of their own mothers. Although she was young in age, small in stature and ready to curse them (without using any true curse words and thus refraining from sin), she was at least good at her job. When she was not working, she was on her knees praying in the corner of the kitchen, the one place she could receive privacy. (In truth, it was because the men were afraid to enter lest she curse them again.) This was to say they didn't find her fundamentalist lectures annoying.

On her seventh day onboard, Gwen went into the store room to find some turnips. She hated this room; it stank and was populated with rats. Unfortunately because of her duties she had to go into this room often, and today would be the day that would seal her hatred of it forever.

As she gathered some turnips from a basket, she heard a voice call her name. "Gwen." She looked around her. She was alone; there wasn't anyone with her or even outside the door.

"Gwen," came the voice again, in a low whisper.

"Hello?" said Gwen, "Is someone there?"

"Gwen," came the voice again, "It's me…Satan."

Gwen stood perfectly still, save to grab her rosary out of her pocket. The voice continued. "I promise to get you off this ship…in exchange for your soul!"

Gwen ran out of the room screaming.

Sparrow was at the Helm when he, along with all of the crew on deck witnessed Gwen running up screaming "The Devil's in the Store Room! The Devil's in the Store Room!" with arms wailing.

"What?"

"The Devil!" she screamed, "I could hear his voice in the storeroom speaking to me!"

Sparrow wondered if she had gone mad. It wasn't that uncommon.

"I speak the truth!" she said.

Sparrow stared at her, but with nothing better to do, he motioned two of his men to follow him to the store room. As they approached the room Sparrow drew his sword, as if this would help defend him from the Devil. What he was going to do if the Devil was in fact in the storeroom he wasn't sure, (perhaps make a business deal?) but he knew it was better to see this for himself just in case.

As they entered, he and the two men with him heard bawls of laughter coming from beneath them. Laughter that sounded very familiar. Sparrow moved a basket and saw that in the floor one of the boards had rotted and there was a hole down to a lower deck.

He yelled down into the hole "Ladbroc, Moises, is that you?"

The laughter quieted. "Captain?"

Jack looked through and saw two of his crew looking up at him. "What, if I might incline, are you two doing down there?"

"Well sir," said Ladbroc, "we thought we'd play a little joke on Gwen up there. We'd thought we'd talk through this hole and make her think that we were the-"

"Devil, yes I know that."

There was a brief silence. "Well," Sparrow said, "carry on." He returned to the helm.

"Did you see it?" said Gwen as Sparrow came up from below decks. "Did you see…him?"

"Unless the Devil takes the form of two the crew speaking through a hole in the wood boards, I'm afraid the Pearl's not playing host to Satan."

"What?"

"Sorry," said Sparrow unconvincingly and he stepped up to the wheel.

Gwen stood there a moment.

There are quite a number of things people would do if in the situation where they are completely humiliated. Some would run away and cuddle up in a dark secluded spot and think to themselves how stupid they were. Others might turn red and try to go on with business as usual and try to ignore the jeers of those making fun of them. Some well-adjusted people might laugh at themselves for falling for such a silly prank.

Gwen chose the fourth option, in which she became dangerously angry, or at least as dangerously angry as Gwen could get.

She walked up to Jack Sparrow and gave him the longest, angriest, fiercest and due to its lack of colorful words the most boring speech Sparrow had ever heard in his life.

I can't tell you what exactly she said, because frankly by the end of this story you would have had enough of Gwen's self-righteous rants, so there's no need to completely tire you out now. None of this had any effect on Sparrow himself, understand. He was a veteran of suffering self-righteous rants. He was now suppressing the idea of throwing her overboard. (He'd throw her a rope, mind you, not right away, but after an hour or two…)

At the time Gwen was done with her rant she stomped off to the kitchen to return to prayer begging the Lord to save her from these evil, wicked pirates. She did not know that these men weren't evil, or that wicked for that matter. She also didn't know that soon she would meet people who in fact _were_ very evil and very wicked, and with any luck (or Grace) she will survive these encounters.

And with that wickedly tantalizing hint of chapters to come, the author will stop and leave you to wonder.

**My apologies for tardiness. My mother and I are the new owners of a proud puppy Scottish Terrier, so I find myself spending a lot of my time making sure that he's not pissing all over the floor or harassing my Maltese. (I think she likes it though.) School's re-started, and even though I have fewer classes, I find myself with much less time. So now I'll just blame everything else in the world besides my own incompetence and start on the next chapter. (As you can see, I've added Chp 4 and 5 together. This was my idea of a Christmas gift. I didn't mean for it to be a Christmas Gift in February.)**

**Note: My New Years Resolution is to not answer individual reviews within stories, so there.**


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